Talkin' Mrs. Difranco Blues

by Dan Bern

It was a snowy day

Kinda like today

And there wasn't a whole lot going on

So I thought,

"You know what'd be fun

Would be to go grab a guitar

And sit on a porch or a lawn

Swap tunes with ani difranco."

Now I though to myself,

"Yeah, but she's real busy

Playing them shows and thinking up rhymes."

But then I figured

Even she's got to go home to Buffalo sometime

So I drove there

Parked outside her mom's house

Well, I knocked, and her Mama answered the door

I said, "Would this be the difranco place?"

I said, "I'm looking for ani if she's around."

And she said, "Fuck you and your untouchable face."

That's when I knew I had the right house

I said, "Golly, Mrs. Difranco

Might I trouble you for a glass of water?

Then I could sit down and wait a while

And then maybe swap some tunes with your daughter"

She seemed to take pity on me

Asked me in

Fed me some pasta

Gave me a sponge bath

Toweled me dry

Showed me ani's room

Said, "She's not around

I guess you can stay here."

Well, I stayed eight months with Mrs. Difranco

She darned my socks

And sewed up my sleeves

Well then one morning she woke me up

And said, "ani's home

You're going to have to leave"

I packed my things

Kissed Mrs. Difranco goodbye

And was gone

Well, it's been two weeks

And I ain't heard from you, Mrs. Difranco

And I'm feeling blue

I'm walking out in the rain

Listening to the low moan of the dial tone again

I'm getting nowhere with you

And I can't let it go

And I can't get through

Well, I looked at ani's schedule

And I see that she's back out on the road

And, well, I guess I'll shuffle on back up to Buffalo

And hang out with Mrs. Difranco a spell

I'll bring my laundry

Get another one of them sponge baths

This time, though, I'm gonna watch her close

REAL close

'Cuz everyone

Even her

Everyone

I mean, everyone

I mean, everyone is a fucking Napoleon